"During depression the world disappears. Language itself. One has nothing to say. Nothing. No small talk, no anecdotes. Nothing can be risked on the board of talk. Because the inner voice is so urgent in its own discourse. How shall I live? How shall I manage in the future? Why should I go on? There is nothing ahead, my powers are failing. I am aging . . . And in the face of this evil - not even to have words to protect one from the vacuum. To grow mute as well as hopeless." -Kate Millet

Depression. The word itself carries an intimidating, gloomy, heavy, raw, isolating tone and meaning. Approximately twelve million people suffer from depression each year. It is also estimated that the combination of treatment and loss of productivity of someone with depression cost Americans $44 billion a year. Depression was once called the "common cold" of psychology, but more accurately, now, is being defined as a chemical imbalance or a serotonin deficiency in the brain. An episode with depression can last anywhere from 2 weeks, to a month, to 6 months, to 24 months or more. After an initial episode, the chances one has in another episode jumps to 50% with 4 to 8 episodes being an average.

My experience with depression's darkness dates back to my adolescents with many episodes that carried through to my adulthood. I am a 28-year-old woman with many memories of my childhood, teen and young adult years being nothing more of wondering when the pain of my every day life would end. I had always been perceived as a bright student who got along with everyone, intelligent and always smiling. No one knew how desperate my pleas were some nights to God about not wanting to wake up in the morning.

Through the course of my college years and career after college, I struggled through an abusive relationship, abused alcohol and experienced suicidal episodes. During those years, I had sought the help of a therapist who walked with me through this journey and provided hope when I could not find any. I had started seeing a number of psychiatrists who always offered higher dosages and cocktail combinations of antidepressants. My diagnosis changed from depression to bipolar depression. I had also started to grow physically sick and collapsed from what I attributed to the effects of the antidepressants.

About a year ago, I had started reading, researching and talking with people about alternative, holistic methods in treating illnesses, specifically depression. Through much consideration and prayer, I sought out the help of doctor Tel-Oren at Integrated HealthCare Clinics, Inc. in Minneapolis. His experience and his unique approach have helped me put my life on a completely different course. With the support of Dr. Tel-Oren and his staff, I started reducing the dosages of the antidepressants, while using natural non-addictive and non-toxic alternatives prescribed at the clinic, until I was completely off the drugs. Based on the concept of looking for the reason I was suffering from depression versus putting Band-Aids on the depression with antidepressants, I soon started to learn what my body was lacking which was causing a chemical imbalance in my brain. I found myself learning about my body's chemistry and what I needed to do to keep myself healthy. I was in control of doing what I needed to do to live a better life.

It has been almost a year since then and my whole life has changed, from wearing brighter clothes, to changing jobs, to more fulfilling friendships and a greater spirituality. I now look at the potential each day has and I am so thankful to be experiencing the gift of life, the gift I had almost rejected numerous time before.

Depression carries much suffering, shame, embarrassment, isolation and pain. It is an illness some people truly understand and others find burdensome, irritating, annoying and frustrating. Unfortunately, it is not as easy as pulling oneself up from the boat straps otherwise there would be no such thing as depression. It is not always a choice to feel depression, but there is a choice in looking for ways to integrate it into one's life versus being buried by it. I don't consider myself healed from depression. I now know what my body needs in order to keep the depression in its place. I am also much more aware of how my body works, what it needs and how to take care of it. Depression is no longer my sole identity nor is it something that keeps me stuck in my pain, isolating me from the potential each day carries with it.

My hope is for anyone wondering if there is a light at the end of a very dark tunnel built by depression to read this and seriously consider looking into alternative natural means to treating this illness. Your body is going to be with you for your whole life and it is worth learning about what your body needs to maximize the quality of your life. Life is not as difficult as depression leads one to believe. The light at the end of the tunnel is worth the struggle. If not for Dr. Tel-Oren and his clinic, I might have never seen this light.

References:

• Mental Wellness for Woman by Rita Baron-Faust, 1997
• Women's Growth in Connection, 1991
• The Looney Bin Trip by Kate Millet, 1990
• Depression and Gender by American Psychologist, 1997
• Depression in Primary Care, 1997